David Hoffman

How I Lost to the Wasp

A tape job. That’s how it ended. But it’s not as gross as it sounds.

“Fuck” I thought, “Another fucking bee flying in through the chimney.” It was trying to fly out through the closed window and not having any luck.

The wasp seemed big. I looked around the room for the best blunt object to smash it with and nothing looked good enough. Then I remembered my dress shoe in the other room had a blunt heel.

I came back to the window and steadied my hand for the wasp-slamming. But it kept moving. Left. Right. Darting back and forth. Finally I manned up and went to kill it.

And I missed.

Instead of killing the wasp I shattered the window in front of me. I nicked it just enough of it for it to fall to the windowsill where I swiftly put an end to it.

Then another bee flew in. Alex killed that one using a Moleskine hassle free.